10 years on

I'm feeling particularly bitter, resentful and generally self-pitying today.

10 years have passed since I attempted to make armchair investments in property in the North East.
This particularly ill-conceived notion has caused me irreparable mental scarring, emotional trauma, physical exhaustion and certainly has done nothing to improve my financial situation (my first profit - a princely £6,002 - was made last year).

During this period I have watched my peers prosper and propagate. They have, without doubt, had their own ups and downs but this is not about them, it's about me. They have had the support of their partners and I the invaluable emotional support from my mother; and that is part of what I'm resentful for because she shouldn't have had to deal with my bullshit.

I personally think that if my peers have had to deal with half of what I went through in the first few years - the burglaries, arson, vandalism, theft, rental arrears and above all the isolation - I doubt they would have emerged any better; and their nervous system isn't compromised as mine is. Or maybe they would have because of their intact neurology and family support.

I've had 10 years of "spiritual growth" and believe you me, I would trade all of it for 10 years of blissful spiritual stagnation but  also relative peace and security.

If I had stayed in London, bought just the one house down there (as many advised me to do) not only would my financial situation be dramatically improved but I might actually have seen my friends more than once or twice a year. I could have been around to support my mother when she was struggling to look after her own mother.

Above all, I could've had a life.

And who's to say that during this alternative 10 year period I might not have had the "spiritual growth" I seemed destined to experience?

I have no-one to blame but myself, I am well aware of this: I could have bailed out at any time (again, as advised/requested by some of my friends); but my sheer bloody-minded determination "not be beaten" kept me on this path to self-harm.

And you know what makes it worse? I don't seem to have learned a hell of a lot from my experience as I still seem to be plodding doggedly down the same path.
What a fucking waste of 10 years.

A peer's angst can be received.

As it seems that Facebook is more suited for bragging about your holiday, how big your child's poo was or telling the internet every intimate detail of the contents of your coffee [and where you bought it], it seems that I'm better off just ranting here about what's bothering me. That way, if you actually give a shit about how truly fucked we are [politically & economically] then you might find someone who shares your views.
Am I the only one of my peers who actually worries about the state of the world? And when I say worry I mean "trying to bring it to people's attention so we can do something about it".
Are you all so buried in your day-to-day lives, head down and grinding away, that you can't look up and see the writing on the wall?
Or is it that you're hoping it'll all just "sort itself out"?
Reality check: it won't, not without your input.
My peers and friends are all intelligent people, able to think quite clearly for themselves. And yet it seems I'm the only one (well, almost - my mate Shaven does as well) wanting to use FB as a platform to raise awareness.
But I guess you're all too busy looking for coffee shops on your smart phone.

The Council, the Tax and the Bedroom

Bedroom Tax: there are 2 issues here.

1. It's an illogical tax
2. Disabled people in Council homes don't have to pay it

1. That's Illogical: Council tenants pay rent, like everyone else, for the size of the property they're in (albeit at a much lower rate, but that's a rant for another day). If they're not working they claim Local Housing Allowance which is based on the number of occupants, not the number of bedrooms. Ergo, if there are 2 people in a 4-bedroom house, they're still only getting Benefits for themselves and will have to make up any rental deficiency; so why charge them for something they're not getting paid for anyway?
2. Disabled support: The Government has made funds available to Councils so that people with special needs or modifications to their Council homes can stay where they are.  If, as reported in the media however, some are being turfed out then blame the Councils not the Government for not using the money they've been given specifically to help those in need!

Don't get me wrong: I hate, loathe and despise all the current forms of national and local Government as they are all bloated parasites.  But if you're going to point the finger, at least get your facts straight!

Don't bash the Bishop

The new archbishop of Canterbury wanted the church to set up Credit Unions to help those who need money avoid going to those thieving bastards like Wonga (5383% APR, WTF!?!?)
It then came out that the church's investments included a stake in Wonga.  Now, do you know exactly where your personal pension is invested? I seriously doubt it. So the media jumps down their throat for it, totally unfair.
At someone in a prominent position is trying to do something.
The last I heard the church has gone ahead with its plans. Well done, I say.

Don't blame the dog

I belatedly heard about the baby who died as a result of the family's Jack Russell biting it.
Note: it was not referred to in the media as a mauling. Note also that Jack Russells are very good at despatching small creatures.
Sad as this death is, I am more saddened and angered that the dog was put down.  This death was a result of the owners not doing their jobs as pack leaders.
When will people realise that dogs are not just low-tech accessories?
A dog is as much a responsibility as a child (if not more so); though, let's face it, what babies and dogs do have in common is that all they do is eat and generate poo.

Any fekwit can own a dog; the problem is that these same fekwits spawn children as well.
 
There are certain simple protocols to follow when introducing a baby to a household with a dog and vice-versa; again, it can be more important when bringing the dog in: how it's done from day one will reflect itself in the dog's behaviour thereafter. At least with a child you've got a bit of time to train it.
Surely as part of the ante-natal instruction the parents should be asked if there is a dog in the household? Or even simply given some basic instructions regardless ("Daddy, can I have a puppy?").
 
Now, I realise that prosecuting the parents who have just lost their child isn't the answer, but nor is euthanising an animal that is just acting true to its nature!

If you're planning on sharing your home with a dog and a child then Cesar Milan's [the Dog Whisperer] rule applies to both children and dogs:
"Give them rules, boundaries and limitations. Without these the individual will be unbalanced."

Stress Buffer Overload

This is a more serious post, mainly to blow off more steam.
There's no doubting that I'm a grumpy old sod: many things irritate me, I guess they always have.  But since I became a Narcoleptic my nervous system has been shot.  I can no longer just "choke it down" or put up with bullshit anymore like normal people.
The illness has made me very aware that there is a lot of stuff we just push to the side or buffer. Things such as:

• Loud iPod users on the Tube
• fekwit drivers
• karaoke 'til 3:30am next door
• people who throw out perfectly good furniture into the wrong section at the tip
• politicians spouting crap on TV (or avoiding the question)
• extended conversations on mobiles on the Tube (keep it to yourself, we're not interested)
• the general background noise of living in a big city
• reality TV in all its heinous and mind-sapping forms

I could be here all day making lists, but I'm sure that there some in there that bug you as well.  It's alright for you though, you can shrug your shoulders and file it away.  Not me.  Anything involving emotion has a direct pipeline to my nervous system, and there's nothing I can do about it.  There are days when I can shrug it off, but all I need is a bad night's sleep and it all goes out the window; heaven forbid I should have my daily naps interrupted.

So yes, I am a grumpy fekker, but my condition certainly doesn't make it any easier.
I hope this helps people understand me a bit better.

Reach for the [A] Stars

There's no way you're telling me that kids have been getting smarter over the last 30 years.
When I took my A-levels in 1988 most of us were doing 3 A-levels and a handful in the year did 4, and believe me they had to work their nuts off to fit it all in.
So how is it that it seems almost compulsory to do 4 and only the thick-o's do 3?
I truly believe standards have dropped.

I heard yesterday that someone with three 'B's had no chance of getting a university place (except through clearing): in my day that was pretty good (though unlikely to get you into Oxbridge).
I couldn't get an 'A' in French and I was learning it from the age of 4!

And WTF is an A*?
Did they run out of letters of the alphabet? Suddenly everyone's getting an 'A' and we therefore need to separate the wheat (genius) from the chaff (merely clever bastards)?
Bullshit.
A-levels are merely about whether you can handle higher concepts, as well as leading to your next level of academia. They teach you nothing about life, just how to take exams and regurgitate.

And no, I am not disregarding teachers in all this: they are a factor in this miraculous improvement of our kids' intelligence; but I seriously doubt there's a direct correllation.